Meet your Allies

We continue to explore the Hero’s Journey, this month highlighting the Allies that grace our path.

Allies come in many forms, and with various messages: some welcome, and some that we might be more resistant to hearing or acknowledging.

Allies come into our lives with a mission: they are there to aid in our transformation.

We’ve had the tremendous fortune to have a number of allies in our lives and wanted to call out a few roles that allies have played in our careers.  

Allies believe in you – more than you believe in yourself

So much of the work we do with gifted people is about helping them believe in themselves. Imposter syndrome is a real phenomenon, and not limited by role, level, or gender. Men and women, people with minimal experience and people with decades in the working world all need allies in their corner. We need people who will prop us up when we start to believe our own – often unfounded – criticism. The people who are quick to remind us of the many successes we’ve had.  People who remind us to focus on the learning and the journey, not just the outcome.  True allies won’t delude us. They won’t sugarcoat the truth we need to hear. What they do is remind us of our innate brilliance, purpose, and strength.

Lisa:  I had the gift and opportunity earlier in my career to be in a stretch role where my team and “peers” were all much more senior in both experience and age.  I was conscious of this every day, in every meeting. I wondered when they were going to see that I was afraid, uncomfortable, less experienced, and added no value compared to the others.  I still recall the many conversations my leader had with me, often exactly when I needed it.  “Speak up, Lisa. Provide your point of view. Use your voice.” 

This ally, my boss, helped me understand that experience was just one way to bring value.  And that my perspective was another. This ally, and many of those “peer” colleagues, took time to work with me specifically on how to find my voice. My leader, my ally, believed in me before I believed in myself.  I worked hard at this for years, yet it’s still  an occasional dragon that presents itself. When it does, I remind myself to use my voice, to share my point of view.

This is part of the work we do in coaching: we help you identify your own allies who believe in you, even when it’s hard to believe in yourself.

Allies push you out of your comfort zone

Kathleen: At one point in my career, I had the opportunity to take on a huge job that was a stretch assignment on so many fronts. I was just arrogant and naïve enough to dash headlong into this new experience, despite the fact that I lacked some of the subject matter expertise for the role. As my leader told me years later “What you knew going into that role would fit on the head of a pin, Woodhouse. The head. Of. A. Pin!” But what he also knew is that I am a quick learner, a problem solver,  good at analytics, and a relationship-builder. And those skills, he knew, would take me far. Would I have EVER been considered for the job as an outside candidate? Likely not. But my leaders knew they could push beyond where I felt comfortable.

This leader, my ally, gave me the support and opportunity to excel. As in Lisa’s example, he knew I was ready before I did. As I had small, then bigger, wins in that role, my confidence grew. He asked me to step up in ways I wouldn’t have dared; he challenged my thinking; he encouraged me to dig deep to find resources and answers. My ally pushed my so far out of my comfort zone that I was able to soar.

This is part of the work we do in coaching: we push you beyond your comfort zone – and watch you excel.

Allies tell you the hard truth

Kathleen: A small but significant comment opened the door to great learning for me. I was on a call with a colleague, and he stopped mid-sentence and said “Kathleen, please pay attention. And stop multi-tasking.” How did he know? I’d muted my phone so he couldn’t hear the tap-tap-tap of my keyboard. I thought I was so clever! And he knew that he didn’t have my full attention. From hundreds of miles away, and with zero visual cues, he knew I wasn’t 100% present to our conversation.  

Whenever I feel the urge to quickly check my email while on a conference call, or surreptitiously reply to a text while on zoom, I think about that comment. That meeting, by the way, was 15 years ago! Sometimes allies pop in and pop out of our lives. I no longer work with the person who shared that pointed and impactful comment, but his words stay with me to this day.

Lisa:  Recently, I was listening to a senior leader I just started coaching complain at length about her team.  She talked about the challenge she faced, as she was going to have to replace most of them.  Never in the conversation did she reflect on her role and influence.  Not once.  When she finally paused for a breath, I said “It’s your responsibility to create a vision of where you are going and clarity on why it matters.  Walk me through what you have you done so far to do this.” 

After a long silence, she said that she had never really stopped to reflect on that. Her attitude had been that senior people should just know these things.  After some introspection, she came back and talked about the “hard truth” that changed everything  in how she saw her role as a leader.  No one had ever pulled her aside and made her face this.  “I didn’t make the connection that my job is to inspire and lead talent to accomplish and deliver versus only assessing the results.” 

This is part of the work we do in coaching: we hold the mirror up. We ask our clients the hard questions – the questions that no one may have asked – to create transformation.

Allies listen

Sometimes, your most treasured allies don’t have to say a word. The very presence of an ally – someone you know has your back; who has your best interests at heart, and who is willing to let you be unfiltered you is valuable. Our husbands often play this role for each of us. We don’t expect them to have the answers…we just need them to listen and give us the opportunity to consider new and creative solutions.

This is part of the work we do in coaching: we provide the space for exploration and introspection.

Allies can first appear as dragons

Last month, we talked about the dragons that a hero encounters on his or her journey. Sometimes, allies may appear to be dragons at the start.

Kathleen: I’ve learned in my personal and professional life to NOT always trust my first instincts! Three of my very best friends/allies are people that I initially perceived as dragons. And what I’ve realized about each: it was my own insecurities, and my (inaccurate) labels of who I thought they were that made me cast them as dragons. Each possesses traits that I admire: one is graceful and gracious, the second is loving and loved by many, and the third is one of the most creative and innovative HR executives I’ve ever known. I’m thankful to call each of these gifted women close friends and, for decades, each has been instrumental on my quest. How fortunate I am to have allies like these!

This is part of the work we do in coaching: we encourage our clients to look at things from a new angle; to suspend judgment; to sit in curiosity; to challenge their thinking, and to surround themselves with people who make them better.

If you’re interested in 1x1 executive coaching or would like to experience the power of a Nova Mastermind, we’d love to connect with you.

*      Our next Mastermind series starts May 21st!  We still have a few open spots. Join the two of us and a small cohort of leaders for six weeks as we explore The Hero’s Journey and your own transformation.  Find inspiration, build your community, and make 2021 your best year yet! Learn more here.

*      Experience what it’s like to have the extraordinary support of your own executive coach.  Reach out to Kathleen or Lisa to discuss how 1x1 coaching can make all the difference to what you’d like to explore or achieve.

*      Go deep for a week.  Join our waitlist to be the first to know when we, once again, schedule our signature  Leadership Immersion Retreats.   We bring women together to find the inspiration, ideas, and insights that only come when you step away from your normal routine with the space to reflect and grow. 2020’s schedule was Florence, Santa Fe and Napa – and we’re looking at the 2022 calendar now. Join our waitlist to see what’s coming.

 Connect with your allies – they’re ready to help you on your journey

– Kathleen and Lisa