Facing our Dragons

We’ve talked about our Hero’s Journey in our last couple of posts. After the Call to Awaken, the excitement, and energy are high: the hope and anticipation of what’s to come! Inevitably, as the hero sets out on his or her journey, there are obstacles or dragons along the way. No hero has a smooth path.

Do you remember the 2010 movie The King’s Speech? One of our favorites! If you haven’t seen it, do. And if you have…consider how George VI overcame a seemingly insurmountable dragon to become “…a symbol of courage and strength for his people…”.

Now, we’re not facing war, or the global or physical challenges of King George, but the fact is that we all encounter some form of dragon on our journey. Dragons that get in our way, impede our progress, and seek to take us away from our mission. Today we explore two dragons that we consistently see with our coaching clients and in our own lives as well. Our goal is not to slay these dragons, but to tame them: to respond with awareness and grace when they step on our path. 

The first is the most challenging because the first dragon we often face is ourselves: are we good enough? Smart enough? Well suited for the task in front of us? We work with so many clients – men and women – who face these questions every day. People who are in senior roles with industry-leading companies who look in the mirror and wonder: am I enough? Is what I do, and what I bring as a leader, a coworker, or a person enough?

Our answer is a resounding YES!

It’s not our answer that matters. People who face the dragon of self-doubt don’t need external validation. In our experience, the people who face this dragon are often the very people who others describe as “amazing”, “accomplished”, “a real role model”. Building inner resilience is step one to facing this dragon. Knowing that what you do each and every day matters.  Knowing that just being YOU each and every day matters. You are enough!

Dragon number one: the person looking back at you in the mirror. You’re smart. You’re agile. You know how to make things happen. And you’re on a journey. One step at a time is the best path forward.  And if you want quick tips to bolster your confidence, read our post on Imposter Syndrome or this tool to reset in the moment.

A second dragon that we consistently encounter is the dragon of busy-ness. Not business, but busy-ness. The false sense that if I DO enough, and accomplish enough, and scratch enough off my to-do list, I can quell this dragon. I can do it ALL!

No: you can’t.

What you can do is get clear about priorities.

As we completed our end of month review for February, we were shocked to realize that we’d missed not one or two, but four of our top five goals. We missed 80% of what we set out to do. But both of us were so busy!!! How could that be??

Kathleen: For me, here’s how it happened: I lost sight of what was most important. I was so busy doing, doing, doing that I lost sight of my most important goals. I was responding to other people’s demands and priorities and missed my own.

One of the practices  I’d put in place in 2020 was to keep my annual planning workbook on my desk: easily accessible and not stashed away on a shelf. Well…that practice only works if you actually open the planner, and take a look at the monthly and weekly goals that build to a year’s success.

I’d fallen out of the habit that I advise my clients: at the end of every day or every week, spend time in reflection: what worked / what didn’t / what course adjustments do I need to make going forward?

We often write about the power of reflection, and in many ways, it can be the antidote to the stress inducing fight-or-flight reaction in our brains. As the late Stephen Covey reminds us, “In the space between stimulus and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices, but we can always choose…It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”

I spent too much of February being acted upon and I’ve vowed to make a different choice from March forward.

Lisa:  Like Kathleen and almost everyone I’ve spoken to recently, I had multiple demands for my attention over the last month.  Several large, complex, unexpected, and time-sensitive issues came up that caused me to completely stop the things that I had planned to focus on.

In addition to these demands, I was juggling a full client load, workshop and mastermind facilitation, and my attempts to be a strong leader, wife, daughter, sister, and human being.

February had me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually stretched.  I was full on in "doing".  Doing everything I possibly could to move through supporting each and every thing I was being asked to do and had planned to do. I lost sight of the fact that I had the choice to decide what I said yes to and what I didn’t.

Part of what we do as coaches is teach people how to coach themselves. How to catch yourself in the moment: when the going gets tough, how can you recognize your patterns, tendencies, and triggers?  We teach people what to do when they encounter these tendencies.  We use the concept of pattern interrupts: recognizing a tendency or pattern, and interrupt it to do something different.

I fell under the spell of the dragon of saying yes too much to other’s demands and without leaving space for the unexpected.  This led to both a sense of overwhelm and missing my commitments. In my desire to do it all and be there for all, I’d said yes to too much in February. Time for a pattern interrupt.

Respecting my own boundaries and balancing my commitments to myself and others is how I will tame this dragon going forward.

It’s important to note that these sneaky dragons can also be allies: a healthy amount of humility goes a long way as a leader. And there’s a lot to be said for knocking things off that to-do list or answering someone’s request for help. But when humility tips to self-doubt, and productivity tends towards frenetic activity, it’s time to stop. To take a breath. To reassess. To keep that dragon contained.

We explore dragons and our own Hero or Heroine’s Journey in our six-week Mastermind series. Recent Masterminders found inspiration “the insights just kept pouring out of me”; made new choices “I let go of things that I’ve held on to for 4-5 years” ; and built confidence and capability “I learned the importance of taking my own advice for myself” to tame their dragons – because we all have them.

With so much support,  

Kathleen and Lisa