Five Surprising Ways Your Allies Support You At Work
We continue to explore the Hero’s Journey, this month highlighting the Allies who grace our path. Allies come in many forms, and with various messages: some we welcome, and some that we might be more resistant to acknowledging.
Along the Hero’s path, sometimes it’s hard to know if a colleague is a dragon or an ally. Often, people show up in ways that don’t feel supportive, even though they really are!
What our allies do for us
Allies come into our lives with a mission: they are there to aid in our transformation. We need people who will prop us up when we start to believe our own – often unfounded – criticism. People who remind us to focus on the learning and the journey, not just the outcome. True allies won’t delude us. They won’t sugarcoat the truth we need to hear, even though it might be hard to hear in the moment. Allies remind us of our innate brilliance, purpose, and strength.
1. Allies believe in you – more than you believe in yourself
You’ll know an ally when they believe in you more than you believe in yourself. So much of the work we do with gifted people is about restoring confidence. Imposter syndrome is a real phenomenon, and not limited by role, level, or gender. For more, check out our tips on dealing with Imposter Syndrome here. Men and women, people with minimal experience and people with decades in the working world all need allies in their corner. Do you have a colleague who reminds you of your strengths when times are tough? Don’t be so quick to dismiss these comments. Allow yourself to be reminded of your strengths and thank them for their support.
2. Allies push you out of your comfort zone
Because your allies know your strengths, they’re often the first to nominate you for the next big challenge at work. They know that you’re capable of more, that you learn fast, and they're excited to see an opportunity for you to grow. The next time your colleague nominates you for a seemingly impossible project, say yes! You might be surprised at what you can accomplish. Your allies know what you're capable of achieving.
3. Allies tell you the hard truth
Are you familiar with the concept of “Radical Candor?” Author Kim Scott describes this special relationship quality: as “Caring Personally while Challenging Directly. At its core, Radical Candor is guidance and feedback that’s both kind and clear, specific and sincere.” You’ll know your ally when they challenge you with feedback that others may feel reluctant to share with you. Want to be a better ally to your colleague? Check out Radical Candor and learn how to gracefully and effectively share difficult feedback with your coworkers.
4. Allies listen
The best allies know when NOT to talk. They know when you need to be heard, seen, and validated. The best allies have mastered the art of Active Listening: Listening with all senses. When your allies listen carefully, they don’t interrupt you or multi-task while you’re venting. They physically lean towards you, and make and keep eye contact. Want to be a better listener for those you support? Check out the techniques in Active Listening Techniques: 30 Practical Tools to Hone Your Communication Skills and see if you can incorporate them into your relationships. Co-founder Kathleen Woodhouse includes listening as a core communication tactic in this Forbes article.
5. Allies may first appear as dragons
The most surprising thing about allies is that sometimes they first show up as a dragon. When an ally believes in you deeply and is comfortable in challenging your growth, it can be shocking at first! We may even resort to protective measures so we can avoid the potentially scary, difficult path of professional and personal growth. The next time a colleague practices Radical Candor and tells you that they know you can do better, don’t be so fast to write them off as a dragon. Pay attention! Observe clues that can help you discern their underlying motivations. Because chances are, they are really an Ally.
