Many Things Are True at Once: Managing Polarities as a Business Executive

Jandy Nelson, author of the novel "I'll Give You the Sun," wisely said, "Everything is true at once. Life is a contradiction. We take in every lesson. We find what works." Where does this idea land with YOU?

If you live in the world where many things are true at once, you’re not alone. We often work with clients who face professional polarities – the internal and external tensions that arise when managing competing demands and contradictory expectations. These tensions are real, and can feel daunting. This tension can cause stress, uncertainty, and confusion, and can affect both performance and well-being. But there’s another way to look at this…

Internal Tension

Internal tension often arises when people face conflicting values, beliefs, or emotions within themselves. For example, you may feel torn between your ambition, your desire for career growth and your need for work-life balance. To manage these internal tensions, consider the following strategies:

• Practice Self-Awareness: Develop a deep understanding of your own values, beliefs, and emotions. Reflect on what truly matters to you and how it aligns with your professional goals. Are you spending your precious time - a limited resource - on things that are aligned with your deepest values? Awareness of your internal motivation can help you make intentional decisions and navigate conflicting desires. (This is one of the areas that we guide women to be intentional about in our Women’s Leadership Retreats.)

• Embrace Ambiguity: Acknowledge that professional polarities may not have clear-cut solutions. They typically don’t. Sometimes you have to choose between options that are all equally good…or not so good. Embrace the ambiguity and uncertainty that comes with contradictory demands. Learn to hold space for conflicting thoughts and emotions without trying to eliminate them. 

• Foster Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when facing internal tensions. Avoid self-judgment or self-criticism. Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the same understanding and empathy that you would offer to others. It’s not easy to be a leader at times, and tuning in to your self-talk track can be enlightening. Give yourself kind words, and allow space and grace. 

External Tension 

External tension, in contrast, arises when individuals face conflicting expectations or demands from others, such as from their managers, colleagues, stakeholders or even family demands. Here are some strategies for managing external tensions:

• Clarify Expectations: Communicate openly and honestly with relevant stakeholders to clarify expectations. Seek feedback frequently, and ask for clarification when needed. Setting clear expectations can help prevent misunderstandings, reduce ambiguity and mitigate conflict.

• Prioritize and Negotiate: Identify the most critical demands and prioritize them based on their alignment with your goals and values. Negotiate to find compromises where possible to balance conflicting demands from different stakeholders. Learn to say no respectfully when necessary.

• Build Relationships: Cultivate positive relationships by building trust, fostering open communication, and demonstrating a willingness to collaborate. Strong relationships can create a supportive environment where conflicting demands can be addressed more effectively.

• Seek Guidance: Don't hesitate to seek guidance from mentors, coaches, or trusted colleagues. These individuals can offer insights, perspectives, and advice on how to handle external tensions. Having a sounding board can help you gain clarity and make informed decisions. (If this sounds like something you’re craving, you’d love the Nova Mastermind Group Coaching experience.)

• Manage Boundaries: Set and communicate clear boundaries to protect your time, your energy, and your well-being. Be assertive in communicating your limitations and avoid overextending yourself. Learning to manage boundaries can help you manage conflicting demands more effectively. And you role model this behavior for others, which is empowering for all.

Both/And Leadership

What if the solution were as simple as swapping out one word for another? 

What if every moment you feel tension due to a professional or personal polarity, you chose to embrace the power of the word “and” instead of the word “or”?

The powerful truth about “and” is that it allows you to have it all - just not all at once.

• I can be a good people leader AND deliver results

• I love what I do AND it’s demanding

• I’m capable of driving strategy AND I can execute on a tactical basis

• I want to give all I can to my work AND I’m already thinking about what’s next

• My boss is amazing AND she has incredibly high standards

• I love my (husband / partner / kids / dog) AND I need some time to myself

• I want to be healthy AND that cheeseburger looks great :-)

In a classic Harvard Business Review article, we see this idea in practice. As leaders, it’s essential that we learn how to embrace polarities. One of the ways we see this play out is reflected in the following quote:

“When two ideas seem contradictory, choosing and championing just one can minimize cognitive dissonance. It’s not surprising, then, that people often deal with paradoxical tensions by picking a side and consistently supporting it. But at the top of an organization, consistency is far from a necessary virtue—indeed, it’s a vice, keeping leaders from successfully dealing with strategic paradoxes. Senior executives must go into the job appreciating multiple, often conflicting, truths. 

They need to be consistently inconsistent and focus on managing that inconsistency.”

Women’s Leadership Retreats

Looking to build a community with women who are likely addressing some of the same polarities and tensions that you face? Wondering how to manage through, and what might be next for you? How to create a life that IS more aligned to your values? 

In our Leadership Retreats (which we call our “Destination Immersions”), we bring women together to define what’s next. Through guided exploration, powerful questions and leveraging our Insights and Inquiry framework, we’ll help you get clear on what matters most. Right now. And clarity on the steps to make it real. 
We encourage you to visit our retreat page to learn more about our offerings in Italy this October. We have a few spaces left and we’re holding space for you!