How to Lead with Confidence When You Have Anxiety
Anxiety seems to be everywhere lately – in our relationships, in our schools, and most certainly in our leadership experience. Between August 2020 and February 2021, the number of adults who experience anxiety rose from 36.4% to 41.5%. You don’t need us to tell you that to know that it’s true – you feel it.
And yet - as leaders, our role is to keep things moving forward. To keep our teams focused, and engaged. To remove barriers - and right now, anxiety may be one of those barriers. How can we lead others through these anxious times? Especially when we’re also dealing with our own concerns?
Let’s talk about it.
Perfection Isn’t the Point
As leaders, and – frankly – in society as a whole, we need to get past a standard of perfection. The truth is that even practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes better. The more we strive for perfection, the more we let stress and anxiety creep into our thinking - and the less grace and empathy we have for ourselves and each other.
Perfection isn’t the point.
We learn through our challenges. If you think back on some of your “imperfect” work, you probably had significant learning along the way. What if - instead of perfection, we made learning and growth the goal?
A colleague shared the story of a great “failure” in business. This leader spent millions of dollars and months of people-time on a product that was eventually scrapped. After the decision was made, the CEO asked for an end of day 1x1 meeting. Fearing the worst (and letting his anxiety take over), he went to the meeting prepared to be fired. “Fired???” asked the CEO when this executive told him what he was expecting, “I’ve just spent months and months and millions of dollars on your on the job education!”
Growth is the point. Learning is the point. With growth as our standard for success, it means there’s no limit to what we can achieve. It conveys opportunity as well as margin for error. That combination allows us to acknowledge the thoughts that create anxiety with a new perspective: with hope, rather than despair.
Start by Showing Up
In her 2012 book “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, Brené Brown says, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” It’s amazing how much power there is in authentically showing up.
Anxiety tries to convince us that authentically showing up is not enough. That fearful whisper says we’re not smart enough, not educated enough, not experienced enough, not attractive enough…the list goes on and on. But “enough” is a funny word. It’s similar to the concept of “should”. Words like “enough” and “should” are spoken as facts when they are really just an opinion. YOU get to decide that you are enough. And you are. Then, you get to share that truth with your family, friends and teammates.
Here are some simple ways to show up and be truly seen, and to allow others to do the same:
Listen. Really listen. In our opinion, listening is one of the most under-utilized and most simple ways to connect with others. More simple and powerful communication tips in this Forbes article.
Tell a trusted friend, co-worker or mentor what gives you anxiety. And how you’re working your way through it.
Share a story of your own life or work lessons gained through “failure”.
In order to be more present and better able to listen, do something with the nervous energy: if you start to feel anxiety overwhelm you, take a short walk. Turn your camera off and mute your microphone. Stomp your feet, or walk around your home office or the block.
Journal About Your Anxiety
There’s a lot of talk about journaling right now. Just walk down the aisle at Target or your local bookstore to see the variety of journals available! Journaling may sound cliché - however, when something is recommended so often, it’s usually because it works. And that’s absolutely true with journaling. Getting your thoughts down on paper can help you collect your ideas and dissolve anxious thinking. This helps you to re-align and re-connect to your passion and purpose.
When we talk with clients about their anxiety, we sometimes refer to those thoughts and feelings as the dragons of initiation. In every leader’s journey, we will encounter obstacles which may include anxiety that are big and scary—and feel like they may even breathe fire!
We encourage you to try confronting your dragons as you journal with these four questions in mind:
What do I want? What do I really, really want?
What do I want to be, do, become?
What is my purpose?
What am I grateful for?
Asking yourself these questions, and taking the time to listen for the answers can be life changing. There’s nothing more powerful than a leader whose passion and purpose are aligned.
Find Safe Accountability
As you continue to show up and encourage others on your team to do the same, it’s also important to find a safe source of accountability. A safe source of accountability is someone who knows your triggers and fears as well as your hopes, goals and dreams. This person is invested in helping you overcome those triggers and fears and gladly celebrates your successes with you.
We unleash the power of goals and dreams and drive accountability in two ways:
Our Mastermind groups are facilitated coaching and discovery for eight leaders, each with an individual quest. We leverage the framework of the Hero’s Journey, and the concept that heroism is not something “out there” and attainable by only one in every thousand or million. Each of us is on our own heroic quest.
Some prefer one on one coaching with one of our Hogan-certified executive coaches. Whether you prefer to engage for six months, for a year, or even for a day-long deep dive, we’ll work with you to get clarity on what’s most important. Now. And how to make it happen.
We know that a good mentor group or coach will consistently push you towards a growth mindset while offering empathy and encouragement in your anxious moments.
Our goal is to walk with you as you learn to listen to the voice of courage and strength rather than anxiety and fear.
We’ve been there and we know how challenging - and scary - that journey can be. We also know how incredibly fulfilling it is to align your work, your energy, and your passion with purpose.